Death from above

So I took a flight from Minneapolis to Portland, for more poetry readings. The former was the least impressive place I've ever been - even worse than Albany - but the crowd was receptive, which more than compensated for the lack of entertainment once I'd finished.

It was for that reason I decided to leave town early and managed to talk the airline into switching my flight. This was a relief and meant I was getting into Portland a day early and would be able to make it to Seattle for another show.

The flight took four hours of which I had a screaming baby sat behind me. My nerves were already shot from the previous night's festivities. I'd thrown up on my previous flight from New York City. It had been a long day, and this baby sure seemed to know about it.

It eventually stopped halfway through the journey. I intended to use this window of opportunity to get some sleep. Unfortunately a bout of turbulence unsettled the little bastard only minutes later and it continued to scream into my ear. I felt as though little razor blades were being scraped along the inside of my skull. It wasn't a pleasant moment.

I fantasised about throwing the child out of the emergency exit. We were flying over the fantastically-spectacular Rocky mountains, yet all I could think about was the child getting stuck at the top of the highest peak. Never to be found.

I eventually decided against such a plan, after careful consideration, only because it would affect the air pressure in the cabin. This would make it difficult to breathe. So instead, I turned up the music in my headphones, ordered a whiskey, and ignored my little Vietnam sitting behind me. I guess I was fortunate enough to be in the sky, as thousands were stranded back home.

That was a bad topic to think about. Paranoia set in as I started to wonder what else could cause aeroplane engines to fail? Not a great question to consider at 32,000 feet. Oh well, at least the noisey little shit would also die. That would be a bonus for mankind!

As I glanced to my right, a woman was reading from a book entitled: 'The language of God.' I let out a little snigger, shook my head and stopped thinking for a few moments. Before I knew it I was asleep, right up there in the clouds.